Thursday, 13 September 2018
Sunday, 9 September 2018
Random thoughts...
The last few years have been a challenge. I'm trying to use this blog to record not only photography but...my thoughts and experiences.
Of late, I've found it difficult to engage with the outside world. I can work from home when needed (remotely) has this has been such positive thing. My type of work (case worker) means that I can work away from the office when I need to.
I stay in most weekends and have not ventured into the (Birmingham) city centre for about 18 months.
My to read list of comics is now about 2 long boxes worth of issues and the books....well, about 5 feet in height.
I do not think I have become agoraphobic but I do not like leaving the house unless it is necessary.
I sleep way too much to avoid thinking about what bothers me. I avoid social situations when I can (as my trust in people from the past has been eroded due to them, well, being quite horrid).
My collecting habit (figures/movies) is more of a burden than a pleasure right now - Linda and I are trying to catalogue things ready to sell up (collection/house and get out of Birmingham in about 10 years to somewhere in the country or near to the sea)
We (Linda and I) have a healthy set of savings and investments yet I find if difficult to plan holidays due to me #catastrophising potential situations. My depression, although now under control is still a massive issue.
However, we have planned a number of breaks/holidays, carried out house improvements and seen our kittens (River...Romana and now little Lucy grow older so they are ready for a cattery when we go on vacation).
I can see one day that I will be depression free but this will take time.
We have cut much of the #deadwood out of our lives with false friends and fake people sent on their way.
I've stopped putting the needs of others (especially the fake people) ahead of my own wellbeing.
I am my own person and I do not judge my own experiences or successes by measuring them with others.
Coming up to 40 million hits on my page!
Now, here is a picture of Romana. Gaze in her glory ;)
Of late, I've found it difficult to engage with the outside world. I can work from home when needed (remotely) has this has been such positive thing. My type of work (case worker) means that I can work away from the office when I need to.
I stay in most weekends and have not ventured into the (Birmingham) city centre for about 18 months.
My to read list of comics is now about 2 long boxes worth of issues and the books....well, about 5 feet in height.
I do not think I have become agoraphobic but I do not like leaving the house unless it is necessary.
I sleep way too much to avoid thinking about what bothers me. I avoid social situations when I can (as my trust in people from the past has been eroded due to them, well, being quite horrid).
My collecting habit (figures/movies) is more of a burden than a pleasure right now - Linda and I are trying to catalogue things ready to sell up (collection/house and get out of Birmingham in about 10 years to somewhere in the country or near to the sea)
We (Linda and I) have a healthy set of savings and investments yet I find if difficult to plan holidays due to me #catastrophising potential situations. My depression, although now under control is still a massive issue.
However, we have planned a number of breaks/holidays, carried out house improvements and seen our kittens (River...Romana and now little Lucy grow older so they are ready for a cattery when we go on vacation).
I can see one day that I will be depression free but this will take time.
We have cut much of the #deadwood out of our lives with false friends and fake people sent on their way.
I've stopped putting the needs of others (especially the fake people) ahead of my own wellbeing.
I am my own person and I do not judge my own experiences or successes by measuring them with others.
Coming up to 40 million hits on my page!
Now, here is a picture of Romana. Gaze in her glory ;)
Friday, 7 September 2018
Friday, 31 August 2018
One year on...
It has been a year to the day that my mother passed after a brief (but painful) struggle with terminal cancer.
The time leading up to her death is now a blur, all I can remember is the smell of hospitals, the cessation of her treatment and confirming orders of not to resuscitate.
The past year has been a struggle but has gone so quickly. After neglecting my own mental well being I have not been at my best but I am on the mend with a new set of antidepressants and a much more positive outlook.
Losing both parents in just over ten years has been an exhausting experience but strangely I do not feel lonely as I have memories of both of them that I carry with me every day (both good and bad, positive and negative).
All I can do is now look to the future and try to enjoy the journey a little more as we all know what the ultimate destination is...
The time leading up to her death is now a blur, all I can remember is the smell of hospitals, the cessation of her treatment and confirming orders of not to resuscitate.
The past year has been a struggle but has gone so quickly. After neglecting my own mental well being I have not been at my best but I am on the mend with a new set of antidepressants and a much more positive outlook.
Losing both parents in just over ten years has been an exhausting experience but strangely I do not feel lonely as I have memories of both of them that I carry with me every day (both good and bad, positive and negative).
All I can do is now look to the future and try to enjoy the journey a little more as we all know what the ultimate destination is...
Friday, 24 August 2018
Friday, 17 August 2018
Wednesday, 15 August 2018
Friday, 10 August 2018
Friday, 3 August 2018
Sunday, 29 July 2018
Friday, 27 July 2018
Wednesday, 25 July 2018
Tuesday, 24 July 2018
Friday, 20 July 2018
Friday, 13 July 2018
Wednesday, 11 July 2018
In other news...
Tomorrow is my last day of work for a week of annual leave.
I'm feeling a little burned out due to a lot of things - this time last year I was supporting my mum with lots of hospital tests not knowing that she had terminal cancer. I won't go into details but that was a very dark time.
Also, 26 December 2017 (a day prior to my wife's birthday), Linda's mum passed away from cancer.
Again, a horrible period in our lives.
I am trying to take "stock" of "things" but am failing dismally.
I guess I am weak and not up to standard but I am trying to make sense of what the universe pushes or forces onto us.
Maybe I deserve it...the misery and the pain but....I will battle it to the end. In my darkest hours I have contemplated the "easy" or "cheapest" way out but that is not me. I want to say "fuck you haters!"
I am still breathing...yo.
I'm feeling a little burned out due to a lot of things - this time last year I was supporting my mum with lots of hospital tests not knowing that she had terminal cancer. I won't go into details but that was a very dark time.
Also, 26 December 2017 (a day prior to my wife's birthday), Linda's mum passed away from cancer.
Again, a horrible period in our lives.
I am trying to take "stock" of "things" but am failing dismally.
I guess I am weak and not up to standard but I am trying to make sense of what the universe pushes or forces onto us.
Maybe I deserve it...the misery and the pain but....I will battle it to the end. In my darkest hours I have contemplated the "easy" or "cheapest" way out but that is not me. I want to say "fuck you haters!"
I am still breathing...yo.
Friday, 6 July 2018
Friday, 29 June 2018
Friday, 22 June 2018
Thursday, 21 June 2018
I just cannot stop listening to this song...
Combining two of my favourite media loves right now. #lorde
Friday, 15 June 2018
Friday, 8 June 2018
Friday, 1 June 2018
Friday, 25 May 2018
Friday, 18 May 2018
Friday, 11 May 2018
Friday, 4 May 2018
Friday, 27 April 2018
Friday, 20 April 2018
Friday, 13 April 2018
Friday, 6 April 2018
Monday, 2 April 2018
Bleecker Street
Linda and I are hoping to be back in Manhattan (or at least the USA) sometime next year. I do love lower Manhattan and all its nooks and crannies.
Jessica Jones - I want your Cray Cray
Actually, I'm pretty sick of #craycray from some of the oxygen/carbon thieves over the last couple of weeks #fandomsucks #sockpuppet #crystallakepublishing #fakeeditor
However, Linda and I are loving the new series of #jessicajones and this is the only kind of #craycray that is welcome here right now.
Sunday, 1 April 2018
Friday, 30 March 2018
Wednesday, 28 March 2018
Sunday, 25 March 2018
Friday, 23 March 2018
Thursday, 22 March 2018
Wednesday, 21 March 2018
Passing thoughts
The world is full of cowards, bullies and liars.
Some of them do this to protect themselves or their livelihoods.
Some of them do it because they like it.
Others do it in fear, a reaction which has a resemblance to flight or fight.
There is something else in the mix though - to be punished for standing up for what one believes in or a person who genuinely challenges a wrong only to be met with cries of #abuser or #victim shaming...is disappointing.
We now live in a society where all genders are empowered but social media as a creature is out of control. Opinion has become "truth" and so has ideology if one shouts and screams loud enough.
However, imagine for a moment that there is no truth - only fact and when in happenstance, someone warps the facts to suit themselves, that could be perceived as....evil? Hitler did it, Putin is doing it as we speak. Trump has been doing it...well, since he went on the campaign trail. Don't get me started on Syria either.
So, disappointment? No....this feels more like a tribal approach with a hint of something I cannot quite put my finger on right now.
This kind of behaviour is not only happening on a global scale, it's happening on a macro one which has had a serious impact upon my well being to the point where I am reviewing my options regarding my anti-depressant medication.
But the worst thing is....the impact upon me has come from so called "fandom" - a mechanism designed to celebrate and bring out the best in people but I believe we are in dark times when people "moneytise" their output and depend on others like little parasites to pretend their careers are legitimate and worthy of recognition.
Publishing and fiction are dying, cinema is decaying...as consumers we have killed all the markets to the point where social media considers us all creators of content, except...most of that content is execrable. We're just little people, sitting in our boxes pressing like buttons that shape our universe. Or even more horrifying, participants in a Milgram experiement.
However, do you know what disappoints me more - passive behaviour. The willingness to sit by and tolerate negative, bullying activities with the excuse of "I cannot step in, my book is in danger". That is bullshit and if you say that, you're an enabler.
Think about that for a moment - shout down the actions of others, deny that activities have taken place and endorse poor behaviour? Well time travel back to Germany in 1914 and measure your activities against...well...you do the math.
First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.
Because I was not a Socialist.
Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.
Friday, 16 March 2018
Friday, 9 March 2018
Friday, 2 March 2018
Friday, 23 February 2018
Friday, 16 February 2018
Friday, 9 February 2018
Friday, 2 February 2018
Friday, 26 January 2018
Friday, 19 January 2018
Friday, 12 January 2018
Friday, 5 January 2018
Friday, 29 December 2017
Friday, 22 December 2017
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