I'm feeling pretty damned horrendous right now. The haters out there will probably love this but fuck 'em.
As people following this blog might know, I came down with flu in mid December. Come late December I could not walk and lost use of my hands/legs. I spent a shitty week in a shitty hospital in January and the "professionals" managing my treatment fucked up so I self discharged with the hope of outpatient support.
Basically, due to a case of flu my immune system went into overdrive and attacked my nervous system.
One spinal tap/lumbar puncture later and a brief catch up with a neurologist in March with the promise of more tests and physio.
Nerve damage is highly likely to be permanent so coming to terms with that.
However, due to #covid19 I am stuck, stranded. I cannot sleep properly and the codeine based pain meds are not for me so it's aspirin and ibuprofen all day, everyday. No tests in the near future or much needed physiotherapy for my legs and upper body.
Why am I posting this - 15 years ago my father died suddenly. He was dead before he hit the ground.
After this happened I couldn't sleep, didn't eat and just stared out of the window constantly. We were never close and there was always bad blood between us (family stuff, family history and wounds that will never be resolved or healed).
This week, Linda and I have been trying to watch TV and forget/block out what is currently happening (for the record, Linda lost her mom to cancer in 2017)
We chose S2 of the TV show 24....but it was only this evening I realised that this show acted as escape and a "mental" crutch to me in 2005 when my dad passed, I binged it on DVD when I could not sleep. The fate of George Mason still resonates with me today.
What I am trying to say is...yes, I need escape from my current physical problems and god, do I want to escape but, great story telling is a skill and a gift. My movie collection is a massive relief and way of escaping from what I am experiencing right now
As people following this blog might know, I came down with flu in mid December. Come late December I could not walk and lost use of my hands/legs. I spent a shitty week in a shitty hospital in January and the "professionals" managing my treatment fucked up so I self discharged with the hope of outpatient support.
Basically, due to a case of flu my immune system went into overdrive and attacked my nervous system.
One spinal tap/lumbar puncture later and a brief catch up with a neurologist in March with the promise of more tests and physio.
Nerve damage is highly likely to be permanent so coming to terms with that.
However, due to #covid19 I am stuck, stranded. I cannot sleep properly and the codeine based pain meds are not for me so it's aspirin and ibuprofen all day, everyday. No tests in the near future or much needed physiotherapy for my legs and upper body.
Why am I posting this - 15 years ago my father died suddenly. He was dead before he hit the ground.
After this happened I couldn't sleep, didn't eat and just stared out of the window constantly. We were never close and there was always bad blood between us (family stuff, family history and wounds that will never be resolved or healed).
This week, Linda and I have been trying to watch TV and forget/block out what is currently happening (for the record, Linda lost her mom to cancer in 2017)
We chose S2 of the TV show 24....but it was only this evening I realised that this show acted as escape and a "mental" crutch to me in 2005 when my dad passed, I binged it on DVD when I could not sleep. The fate of George Mason still resonates with me today.
What I am trying to say is...yes, I need escape from my current physical problems and god, do I want to escape but, great story telling is a skill and a gift. My movie collection is a massive relief and way of escaping from what I am experiencing right now
Dammit!
2 comments:
It's a scary time for all and the future seems worse
And to be unwell at the same time I could not even fathom
But hang in there
My mind has gone into meltdown and
With out photo Friday I would not know what day it was
So stay positiveish
And think of the trinity
The Bowie,the Reed and the Iggy Pop
And when it gets really bad think of the words if the great one.
Father Ian Fraser Kilmister.
Thanks John. We live in strange times. I hope you continue to enjoy photo Friday, bro.
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