Five days in from cutting out the Venlafaxine.
The past five days have felt like an eternity of vertigo, sickness, brain shocks (more like mini seizures), lucid dreams, awful nightmares, no co-ordination, vomiting and online shopping (not one of the listed side effects but I have a some new "Dooms Day" Prepping Equipment, a Captain Marvel Action Figure, a Funko Goose the Cat and some Lego)
The past 9 or 10 years I have felt like I have been kept on ice
Feeling things again has been a shock to the system.
I think I had forgotten what it was like to experience emotions and feelings.
The Good.
Art, books, music, film, talking to the cats, sunlight and the experience of a great meal. Appreciating my physical form and how it reacts to pleasurable situations. Feeling my emotions well up (happy or sad), experiencing that bursting sensation in my chest.
The Bad.
Memories of a past that are out of my reach, mistakes I have made, people I have let down, actions I can never change, moments of soul destroying sadness, crying over silly things that are recalling the bitter and the sweet at the same time.
The Ugly.
Anger. Fear. Hate. Not being able to control my emotional reactions or responses. Even using my intellect cannot stop that instant Fight/flight paradigm. A lack of trust in people. Not being brave enough to call things out when I should have.
How do I move forward?
Well, I think it's dumb to say after five days of feeling more alive that things will improve but it's a start. I'm not an adventurous person but several people have recommended this as a treatment and it's in the realm of possibility (one day but given my current working arrangements, it's completely off reservation and is not a viable option).
Five Days. It feels more like Five Years.
Ask how things are going in 10 days........
The past five days have felt like an eternity of vertigo, sickness, brain shocks (more like mini seizures), lucid dreams, awful nightmares, no co-ordination, vomiting and online shopping (not one of the listed side effects but I have a some new "Dooms Day" Prepping Equipment, a Captain Marvel Action Figure, a Funko Goose the Cat and some Lego)
The past 9 or 10 years I have felt like I have been kept on ice
Feeling things again has been a shock to the system.
I think I had forgotten what it was like to experience emotions and feelings.
The Good.
Art, books, music, film, talking to the cats, sunlight and the experience of a great meal. Appreciating my physical form and how it reacts to pleasurable situations. Feeling my emotions well up (happy or sad), experiencing that bursting sensation in my chest.
The Bad.
Memories of a past that are out of my reach, mistakes I have made, people I have let down, actions I can never change, moments of soul destroying sadness, crying over silly things that are recalling the bitter and the sweet at the same time.
The Ugly.
Anger. Fear. Hate. Not being able to control my emotional reactions or responses. Even using my intellect cannot stop that instant Fight/flight paradigm. A lack of trust in people. Not being brave enough to call things out when I should have.
How do I move forward?
Well, I think it's dumb to say after five days of feeling more alive that things will improve but it's a start. I'm not an adventurous person but several people have recommended this as a treatment and it's in the realm of possibility (one day but given my current working arrangements, it's completely off reservation and is not a viable option).
Five Days. It feels more like Five Years.
Ask how things are going in 10 days........
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